8/10/10

August already.

I quit work three days ago. Sort of. Well no one is less clear on the time frame than I am these days. Am I gone, or am I just leaving for a while? It’s anybody’s guess.

Why am I going back next week, for two days? Out of desire? Out of need? Out of obligation? Nobody really knows.

My manager wants me to come in and talk to him about “the future” when I go in to get my paycheck on Friday. Little does he know that my direct deposit using self is going to bypass that entire conversation. No thanks. There are eight people there trying to convince me to stay, with 800 reasons why I should.

Sunday night, I worked from 3:30 to 10, with a fever. It was the last night of my regular work schedule, and the hardest shift I have ever endured. I couldn’t call out because I called out a few weeks ago when I went to a party the night before an 8am shift and threw up the next morning.

At one point during the night, I came close to fainting at the register. I did not think I was going to make it through the transaction. After it was over I just went to the back room and put my head down on the table for 20 minutes. I didn’t even get to go eat on my break until 8 that night. I feel like it was God testing me one last time, showing me that this job has made me tougher. I would never have been able to deal with a night like this a few months ago.

My coworker covered for me the whole time I was sick. She stayed up there and rang up customers, telling me to take all the time I needed. My manager was totally understanding and cool about it.. He has proven himself to be a good guy.

There are definitely things about the place I will miss. Honestly as shitty as I have always made it out to be, sometimes, SOMETIMES, there are good parts. Really good parts. And I am always grateful that I have had this opportunity to grow and learn and make money while doing it. It’s an invaluable experience.

So I guess for now, we’ll hold off on making any declarations. I’ll just see how the wind blows.

In other news, three days later, I am finally starting to feel better and my fever’s gone. Tomorrow is my dad’s girlfriend’s birthday. Damn how time flies. We’re all so much older than we used to be. How did that happen? I was thinking back to when I was sixteen, seventeen, earlier today. Sure those were shitty years, but I feel like I thought I had so much more potential back then. I was so much more hopeful. Maybe it’s because I know my time at school is running down. I see the future coming, and I never want to leave college. I know my other entry talked about the benefits of choosing your major/calling/career path/whatever. But maybe there’s something to be said about not knowing. Not knowing where you’re going or what you’re gonna be. You feel like you could end up being something amazing. I mean, I still feel that way, I do. But I guess that’s the irony of life. Things are always better on the other side, whether an actual place or just a way of thinking.

I just realized today is actually August 11th. Or, was, August 11th, since there’s only one hour left. Happy August 11th.