9/12/10

School. everything is so different I dont even think I could properly explain it if I tried. I realized recently that I dont think im a fan of change. When things change, especially good things, i tend to feel like something is being taken away from me. I mean i know a lot of change ends up being really good.. Its the only thing that makes you grow as a person so obviously its vital to life. But for some reason its difficult for me to accept.

I always do this thing where I imagine the future and I always feel like I have it figured out. Its ironic because of all people I know how shit happens unexpectedly. But its like this coping mechanism I have to deal with the present. I get by knowing that the future is gonna be better. I always do that..I get my hopes up. And then they come crashing down and im disappointed. I dont do it all the time with everything, but i do it with a lot of things. Thats what I did with junior year. I expected too much from it, then I showed up and everything was changed.

Now that ive had time to process it I think its a good thing though. My hopes came crashing down the very first day of school for a multitude of reasons, so somewhere inside of me i told myself, things can only go up from here. This is how I started adelphi anyway. i had no expectations, like I sorta have no expectations for this year right now. And then adelphi ended up surprising me. All hope is not lost. Some really, really goood stuff happened the other day. There’s a lot of potential.

I mean it always works out at that school somehow, someway.